Today was fine. I met with a childhood friend for the first time in about two years. While we caught up, it did feel distant. I think this must be the age when paths have diverged so much. I don't know quite how to feel about that.
I also was checked in on by an admin from an adult oriented group which I had left. I don't think I've ever had an admin of a chat or just a leader in general take the time to make sure that I am okay and supported. It makes me wonder a lot about how unhealthy the local scene has been. I think back to my friend in Montana who has an event full of rules. I often get dreams driving into Montana. The winding roads, trees overhead, mountains all around, and the crisp air I smelled that night when I left the train for just a moment. I don't message him as to not bother.
I'm currently listening to Mary's Theme by Stelvio Cipriani. I have my Halloween quilt on my bed now, a sure fire sign of autumn. Lastly, I have a glass of cold water with a single melting ice cube in it. It's the little things like this that spark joy, Marie Kondo is someone I should look more into. There are a few YouTube channels that follow that general feeling - @thermosento has been the best for that to me. Then @Choki which reminds me of autumn softness. I think there is a softness I would love to be able to show others, beyond all my already existing aesthetics and moods. I think fall as a season allows me to do that the most. I'm excited to revisit it.
I start my new job tomorrow. I'm hoping that all the warm energy I've seen there transfers into the work and later into my writing. It's a cozy location, I'm happy to be a barista again. I need to set more time aside to write as well.
I was apprehensive on this blog. I think a lot of me worried about the extraordinary harassment I've faced in the past and the predatory men I've had to deal with recently in my life. I've been in a miasma for quite some time. I wonder where these crossroads will take me.
I find it somewhat unlikely that I'll meet someone who'd fit what I need platonically, romantically, and sexually. Truthfully, I have good self-worth thanks to my friends and my own experience. Why would I be around someone or in a chat that I can't trust?
Today, I played more of Fire Emblem Fortune's Weave, Theodora is great. I also watched a film today which was suggested by a musician who knows a ton of cool shit. It was certainly unnerving to watch but his suggestions are excellent. I feel like I'm going down a lot of the rabbit holes I've wanted to.
After the movie, I got to fixing my website up a bit before finally making this blog. I imagine it will be challenging for me to feel comfortable hosting a blog, but I shall do it.